You could cut the tension with a knife as the participants came to the starting line.
Inaugural Encinitas Beer Mile Rife With Rules Infractions Part 1*They say that a classic moment happens when a multitude of forces collide, planned or unplanned, to bring about an event that changes the course of mankind. That’s not really what happened on the evening of December 31st at 5pm in Encinitas, CA and we’re not really sure who “they” are or even what “they” say. What we do know is that with less than 8-hours of an e-mail sent out by a yet, unnamed source, no less than 40-idiots showed up at a local junior high school track to run the inaugural Encinitas Beer Mile. Some ran. Some just sat back and took in the lunacy. Regardless, it was an event that will not be soon forgotten in the annals of sport.
There was a lot of chatter with the betting line favoring two of the all-time endurance/party champions, Kenny Souza and Paula Newby-Fraser. Both have A LOT of base mileage on both sides of the beer mile training equation but the final odds were leaning toward Souza who was known to down a Corona with a burrito in the middle of any long ride. This kind of experience was surely going to pay off against the weak group of light weights assembled. While the list of invitee’s was long, only the really stupid showed up to toe the line for this once in a lifetime challenge.
The women’s field looked to be incredibly competitive with triathlon legends joining drinking infamy: Lori “Redhook” Bowden, Paula “Uno Mas” Newby-Fraser, Heather “Hard Lemonade” Fuhr, JT “Rough & Tough” Clough, and, of course, Jackie “No Gaggy” Nagy. Realize that Fuhr hadn’t consumed a beer since 1982 and wasn’t about to start now so, via Canadian Beer Mile Rule #13.6, section c, was able to mix two wine coolers with carbonated water into three equal 12-ounce servings. There were many protests after the obviously tapered Fuhr ran to what is, perhaps, her biggest win of the 2004 season but to no avail. Bowden would drink herself to a close second while Newby-Fraser couldn’t quite handle the volume of suds as quickly as her Canadian counterparts, eh. Paced by Spencer the dog, JT Clough would bring home the final finish of the evening with her best friend, Spencer, faithfully pacing her to what every competitor cherishes the most – the Beer Mile finish line. The tears of joy spoke volumes for all participants as they realized the achievement that surely was the pinnacle of their lives up to that point in time.
The story of the evening was Jackie Nagy who arrived late with husband Chuck (who’s fault it was will be argued into the next decade but, as a fellow male, it was surely Jackie’s poor sense of direction). There can be no worse feeling than arriving late at an event that you’ve sacrificed the better part of your life to prepare for. So it was with Jackie and Chuck. Chuck, of course, saw a silver lining and proceeded to make the best of a bad situation by downing two (some witnesses say three) beers as the two late comers watched the drama unfold. When the remaining participants realized that two of their brethren (and sisterthren?) had arrived late and not been able to join in, they immediately formed a relay that would race along side what had become the spousal duel of the evening.
Paula, Lori, and Heather gathered together to form the dream team. Each would take a lap and, hence, a beer (what a sacrifice!) as they ran along with the committed but tardy pair. Lori proved her metal as she committed to two laps for the newly formed relay. Huddle even volunteered to run with Chuck to offer tips from his now full volume of Beer Mile experience to ensure that male dominance would prevail. A new starting command was given and they were off. Chuck immediately showed his lack of attention to detail as he stood in place while consuming his first 12-ounces of suds. Huddle immediately jumped on him to walk to the end of the consumption zone so that he wouldn’t lose any unnecessary ground to his betrothed. Then, like a batter charging the mound, he took off in pursuit of his wife and male pride worldwide. Jackie fought like a lioness guarding her cubs but couldn’t hold off the now slowly drinking but not upchucking, Chuck. Men everywhere breathed a sigh of relief.
Stay tuned…coming soon…the men’s race.
*Multisports.com does NOT condone irresponsible consumption of alcohol. The views expressed above are in no way a reflection of Multisports.com. Really, they’re not.