Huddle tries to hinder the women’s progress at the starting line.
Inaugural Encinitas Beer Mile Rife With Rules Infractions Part 2*What could possibly tempt any homo sapiens with an intact cranium to run 4-laps around a track consuming a beer upon the completion of each? Not just that but how could you get more than three or four losers with nothing better to do on New Year’s Eve – especially with only 8-hours notice? Well, the e-mail went something like this:
The wait is over.
Yes, this is late notice and for good reason. We only want those spontaneous enough to make a stupid commitment with minimal warning.
This evening - just before/at dark, we will be running the inaugural Encinitas Beer Mile at the (location will remain a secret). Start time is 5:15pm. Yes, the track is muddy - get over it.
We will arrive at 5:00pm to get set up and start promptly at 5:15pm. Remember, this is a public school so the presence of alcohol will not be welcome by the local authorities. We figure what they don't know won't hurt them.
If you decide to come and partake of the festivities make sure you either live locally and can jog home OR bring a DESIGNATED DRIVER to get you home safely. Note, designated drivers might also be asked to help with rules enforcement.
Participants must have their beer in unopened condition present at the start no later than 5:10pm. Upon approval, an official will open participants beer - no, you cannot open your own.
At the starters command to proceed,
- male participants will drink one twelve ounce beer (any non-light beer with Canadian alcohol content*) within the 10-meter "consume zone" and when finished (no spillage and empty bottle will be held upside down over one's head to prove all has been consumed), start their first lap
- Female participants will start their first lap
Upon completion of each lap, one 12-ounce beer (any non-light beer with Canadian alcohol content*) will be consumed by all participants within the 10-meter "consume zone" (no spillage and empty bottle will be held upside down over one's head to prove all has been consumed).
The clock stops when each participant has completed 4-laps. Note - participants do not consume a beer at the completion of the final lap.
Male participants = four 12-ounce beer, eh
Female Participants = three 12-ounce beer, eh
If any participant starts or finishes their beer outside of the "consume zone", they will be disqualified and a "dnf" (did not finish) will be awarded.
Any puking and/or foam coming out ones nose will result in immediate disqualification and a "dnf" (did not finish) will be awarded.
*Since this is the first time this event has been run, ANY domestic or foreign beer EXCEPT those designated as "light" or "low carb" will be allowed. In future events, the Canadian alcohol content requirement will be strictly adhered to. Because of this, any records set will have an asterisk (*) denoting the absence of official beer. Those who bring their officially approved beer will receive full credit for their performance. A certified Canadian Beer Mile Official will be present to authenticate/open beer and enforce all rules, eh.
Yes, we will have extra beer BUT we may not have enough. We suggest you bring your own and be able to carry it to the start and carry the empties back to the garbage call all by yourself - we're not your mothers. We will have a couple of openers.
You have been sent this e-mail in strict confidence.
That was it.
The fact that so many people were attracted by this defies the laws of civilization. Either that or it is an omen of the coming downfall of man. We’re not sure which.
Anyway, if you really want to know what the rules are (and we broke a lot of them) and what this thing was all about, simply point your browser at: www.beermile.com The race and geniuses who inspired our event are from the Great White North and their most recent event is recorded at this sight (http://www.beermile.com/ display/event_371). The primary inspiration, Norm Thibault, even ended up winning their event but, knowing Norm, we’re sure some sort of infraction took place that went unnoticed by the officials.
Anyway, back to the real race…you now know what happened among the women but what about the men (and we use this term very loosely). Well, as is the case with most events that the male of the species gets involved in, it was all fun and games until toes touched the starting line. At that moment, you could see primitive forces at work. The testosterone and natural competitive drive that kept men from being chased down and eaten saber tooth tigers were prominently on display at Roch Frey’s command to take our marks. Joke cracking ceased and all eyes narrowed to a sharp focus on the job at hand – drink one 12-ounce beer before being able to set out in pursuit of the women who wouldn’t start drinking until the completion of their first lap (note: we found out, after the fact, that, according to www.beermile.com, women are no longer given a 1-beer handicap and are indeed supposed to drink the same amount as the men. Canadian Lori Bowden assured all of us before the start that women were still drinking 3…crafty female!).
Unbeknownst to the local contingent was the presence of a couple of ringers down from college in Humboldt. As each competitor finished their requisite first beer and set out on the journey of 1000-steps, they noticed that there were guys in jeans WAY out ahead. Local tri-geek, Rob Evans, had seen an opportunity to fool the bookies and brought in these juggernauts of chugging to scramble the odds. Chris Mottino was out in front followed by the rest of the crowd. Bob Babbitt showed what he had worked on for 4-years as an undergraduate and stunned everyone with a couple of quick gulps to begin his first 400-meter lap. The race was on.
The front runners overhauled the women within two laps but many did not get a decisive gap until the final trip through the consumption zone but then had to run like prison escapees to hold off the, now proven, weaker sex. At least 4-men – or was it 3? – finished in front of women’s champion, Heather Fuhr, and all can now safely assume that they could easily finish the Hawaii Ironman in under 9-hours and 30-minutes – what a bunch of studs. These women are all over rated. Regardless of finish time or place, it was an idiotic way to end 2004 and we plan to do it again soon!
So, how’d it all end up, you ask? Ok, here’s the results as best we can figure out. We had Roch and Doug Miller shouting times as we came across the line and left it up to the “honor system” for people to e-mail their results. Just look at Babbitt’s e-mail and you can see how much honor there is among this group. Some gave some pretty good comments with their result…read on:
1 – Mike “The Brewery” Drury – 7:30
2 – Paul “Belch-O-Rama” Huddle – 7:32
3 – Pete “The Hit Man” Ligotti – 7:34 – “As for my time.....I don't know that it will be relevant. I thought it was 7:34? “…My effort was not fruitless though.... I did get to enjoy my enchilada lunch for a second time.... Before the final gathering of idiots for the group photo, I had a short talk with RALPH in the bushes.” Nice job Pete!
4 – Chuck “I’m Never Late” Nagy – 8:30
5 - Chris “You Have to Run??” Mottino (ringer from Humboldt) - 8:35
6 – Udo “Ja, Ja” Heinz – 8:50
7 – Kieth “Virginia is for Lovers” Simmons – 8:52 – “I thought the beer that I was drinking had a timing chip?? No clue on my time. I came in 2 seconds behind the guy wearing a black Hind long sleeve shirt which read "drylete team". Find this guy and you will have my time.” That guy was Udo…
8 – Andrew “Disco Jew Boy” Block – 9:06 – Yes, he’s Jewish and yes he gave himself that moniker so get over it.
9 & 10 – Rob “Rasta” Evans & Chris “Thank You Sir, May I Have Another” Sinkovich – 11:15 – Ok, boys, this is a race. We couldn’t quite believe it but these two held hands across the finish line…isn’t that sweet.
11 – Bob “Quarter Master” Babbitt – 10:50 – “For our massive entry fee you should have handled the timing.....My time must have been 4:23 or so.....the last beer slowed me down or I would have gone sub-4..........Next year chips and dip would be a nice addition plus a couch in the transition zone..........” This, of course, is a new Beer Mile World Record but, since we know Babbitt was giving us his time for the first two laps, we’ll award him a whopping 10:50 – hey, we figured he was getting tired.
There were at least another couple of guys who participated but we didn’t get their results and they didn’t send them so they’ll get nothing and like it.
1 – Heather “Hard Lemonade” Fuhr – 7:43 (probably the biggest win of her career)
2 – Lori “Redhook” Bowden – 7:47
2 - Paula “Uno Mas” Newby-Fraser – 9:42
4 – Jackie “No Gaggy” Nagy – 10:30 or so
5 – JT “Rough and Tough” Clough – “Last!” C’mon JT, finishing is winning…but not here. Seriously, we erroneously left JT out of the women’s relay that took Jackie Nagy to her phenomenal challenge of her husband Chuck. So, she not only did the women’s race but sacrificed her self for an additional lap (and beer) for the cause!
*Multisports.com does NOT condone irresponsible consumption of alcohol. The views expressed above are in no way a reflection of Multisports.com. Really, they’re not.
**From the “excuse files” (put on your best whining voice): It was really wet and muddy and we all had to run in lane 4. Otherwise, we’d have beaten those losers from Victoria, B.C.